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alien411
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Name: Alla
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 4/11/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: talkin 2 friends
reading (yes really)
writing (it shocks me too)
acting
dancing
Expertise: going crazy
wasting time
history
laughing
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
7/8/2003
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| writing essays is simultaneously the most exhilirating and horrific experience of the student career. | | |
| i was on bart this morning reading "notes from the underground" completely absorbed because it is an absolutely awesome book when all of a sudden the train stopped and the conductor told us that there was a fire on the train tracks in front of us. i am used to bart taking care of similar calamities with efficiency and speed. One time the conductors told us that a person in the train ahead of us lost consciousness and the police had to take them away. i was expecting an hour delay but it ook no more than 15 minutes. Nobody on the train myself included took this seriously. The people around me started to curse at supid bart and called their emplyess/friends/ bosses whoever and simingly with a sense of humor and sarcasm told them that bart was delayed due to a track fire. We didn't udnerstand how there could be fire on the tracks, or where it would come from. i persomally had complete confidence in the system and was picturing firemen coming out of the sky with extinguishers. the onductor then told us that he would take the train back to montgomery and i saw him cross my car. minutes after i started smelling the smoke and i heard the people around me scream out "omg" and start to scramble. i felt a flash of hysteria take over me and i too started picking up my stuff and was getting ready to run as fast as i could at all costs. i heard two voices or three simultaneously, strong, confident, and calming saying "calm down it will be ok." and i calmed down and the hysteria didn't exactly leave me but at least was no longer in control. The conductor told us to exit through some doors walk through the landing and come out at Montgomery. We stood in a line single file and were walking incredibly slowly because there were a lot of us. it helped knowing that there were a lot of people in frone of me and behind me and that noone was running on ahead, we all had some sense of unspoken trust in one another and in the knowledge of our conductor. it was terrible not knowing where the fire was located, how far away it was, and whether it was spreading or not. i got out of the train and started walking through the walkway. a million thigns were going through my head. everyone around me was talking to someone on their cell phone but i didn't want to call my parents until i got out of the station because i didn't want to worry them. then i started thinking about how they would know where to find me if i was to die as a result of this. and then i figured they would probably watch the news. the smoke outside of the train was much stronger than inside and some people behind me were retching. that scared me because i didn't want to suffocate. we were still walking incredibly slowly and i was still supressing the urge to rush on ahead as fast as i could and a part of me was thinking how this would probably be on the news and how i was experienceing it first hand and also about a really isnane theory i have about how you can't die if you've never been in love. also about how i've always wanted to walk on the small sidewalks outside the trains. when we walked past the station we sped up and i started to actually walk instead of inch forward. I had to walk for the next bit in semi darkness and i was holding on to the rail but after the darkness i came out to the platform. For some reason i thought when i would reach it it would be clear and that the smoke would be gone. But the smoke was inside the station also and the air was a weird gray color. even in the platform i had to supress the urge to run. after i came out i finally called my family. needless to say i did not go to school that day. thank god there were no injuries or casualties. i feel an odd connection to the people on that train, we went through somethign really scary together and we survived to a large extent because of mutual trust and respect. i can't say i'm ecstatic to be aline i am still absolutely terrified about the experience and am shaking all voer and need to take a nap but haven't. i can't believe that something like this actually happened to me. and i lvoe bart for taking care of it so well even if it was their fault and i love them for providing alternative service for their passengers (even though i did find out about this when i was already at home and watching the news). i cannot believe that the whole thing took only 15 mintues. then again, though i probasbly shouldn't make this comparison so did the titanic. i also couldn't help but feel (even though again i am so thankful that it did end well and everything was ok) a kind of 9/11 brought home. | | |
| I love good conversations and i've noticed they're so difficult to come by, at least in my experience. it's difficult to find people who will be honest with you. But then again, isn't it diffcult often times to be honest with ourselves. And what does that even mean, honest with yourself or not. Warped perception of who you are, or is the warped perception really outside of yourself. If everything's warped, what is the truth and if it's all relative how to even begin having any conception of what anything is. A good conversation requires the confidence that you will not be judged for your words. Possibly because once again you cannot be truthful if your thoughts will hurt you. But how can they hurt you? Why does it hurt to lose a friend? Why does it hurt that your thoughts or your actions were perceived by someone else as something entirely different. We are all different, and we grow up to share completely different outlooks. How can you expect your thoughts about drinking, gay marriage, money, god to be seen as the same by someone else. Well, you really don't. But you do expect that it won't change how you're perceived and that's why you're sharing it in the first place with complete honesty. You somehow expect that your thoughts even if they go against the thoughts of the person you're sharing them with won't change their opinion of who you are. That there is some barrier, some invisible line between what you think and who you are, that just because you may disagree on the value of money or god doesn't mean you can no longer be friends. But the reaity is that that line gets blurred in a really honest and really good conversation and you are judged for how you think and the disagreement does become personal and you cannot be completely honest and you do lose the friendship. And that's probably why it's so difficult for me to have a good conversation. | | |
| classes have been awesome. | | |
| strange that you get to know people only after high school. | | |
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